Latest blog entries

22 Nov 2010
But women do it too! (On acknowledging female violence toward men.) by Bill Patrick

When I talk about men’s violence against women, an immediate response I often get from people is: But women do it too!

And they are right. Women can and do act violently. We men certainly have no monopoly when it comes to mistreating others. And if we stop for a moment to think about it, most of us can probably think of a man we know who was (or is currently being) mistreated by a woman.

15 Nov 2010
“If a gay guy ever came on to me, I’d punch him in the face!” (On why straight men doth protest too much.) by Bill Patrick

Bullying, harassment, and other forms of violence toward gay men are an all too frequent and tragic reality in today’s society. These behaviours are a cultural hangover from our intolerant and bigoted past. Hopefully we will soon recover from this abusive history, and rid ourselves of these toxic acts.

Just as recovering from an alcohol-induced hangover can be aided by doing certain things to take care of ourselves physically, healing from this painful cultural hangover will also be greatly accelerated if we just take a moment to actively attend to it as well.

08 Nov 2010
No good deed goes unpunished: When being honest about the rate of sexual assault in your community makes you look bad. by Bill Patrick

Mark Twain liked to say that there were three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.

01 Nov 2010
Q: Why do feminist organizations hate men? A: They don’t! by Bill Patrick
I have been working alongside feminist anti-violence organizations for many years. Most of these groups have no men on their staff, no men on their boards of directors, and do not have a way for men to become equally involved in their volunteer opportunities. Some outsiders call these practices “discrimination.” But I call them justified. And I call them smart.
There are many good reasons for limiting the role of men in these organizations, reasons that are both practical and philosophical.
24 Oct 2010
“What is she doing with him???” (How bad men happen to smart women.) by Bill Patrick

What is she doing with that guy? I thought she was too smart to date a jerk like him!”I overheard someone say that the other day. When it comes to dealing with abusive relationships, I prefer to focus on the ways to contain the abuser and get him to eliminate his bad behaviours, but sometimes it is important to take time to address the questions that we hear about victims of abuse. And this is one that I hear a lot: Why do so many smart women make such bad choices when it comes to relationships?

12 Oct 2010
“You must be gay.” (On the bullying of pro-feminist men.) by Bill Patrick

The other day I was involved in a conversation about what men can do to stop rape. One of the participants was a young university student who is articulate, energetic, funny, and charismatic. He is also gay, and he doesn’t care who knows it. And that’s a real strength when it comes to doing men’s anti-violence work. Because when we men do this work, other people – mostly men – often either make the assumption that we are gay, or they try to level “gay” at us as an accusation.

04 Oct 2010
On being willing to stop a rape – whatever it takes. by Bill Patrick
(Thanks to my colleague Ian Ohsberg for bringing up this incident as a matter worthy of writing about here.)
 
27 Sep 2010
Men Should Not Get Raped. by Bill Patrick

Sometimes, when I talk or write about violence against women, I get accused of not caring about the violence that occurs against men. I get accused of being unfair. So, while this blog is generally about violence against women and children, let me take a moment to address the issue of violence against men, and to say unequivocally that violence against men is wrong.

I would also like to take the opportunity to post “Bill’s Bill of Rights for Men’s Sexual Safety.”

20 Sep 2010
Why I Won’t Be Walking in the Anti-Rape March by Bill Patrick

On Friday evening the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre in my community will be holding its annual “Take Back the Night” march designed to bring attention to the issue of violence against women, and to loudly make the statement that women should be able to walk safely – anywhere and anytime!

But I will not be walking with them. Men are not invited to march. And some men (and some women) have a problem with this. But I don’t.