So you're a man and you actually care about women, but you don't know how to stop other men from raping and murdering women? Here's a handy dandy (not-exhaustive) list of things you could try.
1. Stop using pornhub. And redtube. And any free porn site. That's right, stop using them. Why? It is notoriously difficult when using those sites to tell whether that porn is ethical. You can't see whether the woman is sober enough to consent, if she consented to everything happening in that scene, if she's entered the porn industry because she has been trafficked and/or abused, if she is over the age of consent, or if she's being paid. You have no way of knowing any of that. What they present to you on screen is an edited fantasy and they aren't going to let you know anything about that woman's reality. Same goes for the men in porn too. There's also the serious issue that cam girls and women who place content on pay per view or subscription services have their videos and content captured and reuploaded without their consent, so someone else is making the money instead of them. This isn't pirating some big holywood movie. That's stripping individuals and small businesses of their sexual agency, consent, and revenue. Use subscription services (particularly those run by women) and stay the fuck away from disgusting free sites. Your orgasm is not more important than human lives :)
2. When a mate is talking about a recent sexual experience, pay attention to the language he uses. It's perfectly reasonable to talk about sexual encounters and experiences, sometimes you need to process what has happened. It's unacceptable if your mate seems to be acting overly braggy (treating the woman as something to boost his ego), is describing her as a number or another conquer, is comparing her "skills" or appearance to other women, etc. Use common sense, work out if what he's saying is decent or not. Tell him off. Explain that's not how you talk about other human people and that he's being a creep. If he mentions anything that sounds like he didn't get consent (she was so drunk, she was acting real shy, she wasn't sure if she wanted to do that but I got her to etc.) get angry. Directly ask him if she consented. Be pushy, let him know he always needs to get a sober, affirmative, ongoing yes. Make him feel like shit for not getting a yes OR for making it sound like he didn't.
3. When news articles come up like this, about an assault and murder, talk to your friends about it. Ask them how they feel, ask them how they think we can put an end to violence against women. If they start talking about "what about men" or "not all men" shut them down. Say you're talking about how you can help this problem, explain the statistics, talk about things I'm mentioning here or rape culture in general. Whatever. Shut them down and get back on topic.
4. No more jokes about girls being easy or slutty or traps or bait or whatever the fuck. Don't do it.
5. Read more feminist articles. It really will help you get a picture on these things
6. Don't you dare defend any man called out in me too. If you really think he's innocent just don't talk. Because you weren't there and you don't know and thats the sensible thing to do. In general, try and do a better job of walking away from content creators who make shit that's offensive and discriminatory.
7. Really just repeating it but shut down any and all "not all men" or "what about men" crap. It doesn't help men and it doesn't help women. Don't try and explain it away "this is why men don't like it when you say not all men" yeah whatever I don't care. Saying its all men or clarifying its only some men or whatever, it's never changed the reactions to these points. "Not all men" and "what about" are distraction tools to change the topic of conversation to pander to people who are already disinclined to support women. Shut it down
8. If you see a man saying dumb sexist shit on the internet argue against him and add your voice to the conversation WHILE REFERENCING BACK TO WHAT WOMEN HAVE SAID. This is important. Sexist men will trust the "logic" of another man over anything a woman says, so if you make the points but continually reference back to the women who have made those points before it's more likely to get through to the sexist man and you aren't speaking over women. Just boosting their voices
9. Teach those younger than you, the same age as you, older than you, anyone close to you who you can about consent. About the age of consent where you live. About how you need to be sober, how it needs to be verbalised, how it needs to be ongoing, about the body language cues you can learn to look for to know when you need to stop and check in.
10. Have these conversations with other guys, but ACTUALLY do it. Not just lip service, bring it up. Make a concerted effort to. Being well intentioned and thinking "oh i'll talk about it when it comes up" isn't good enough. Women have to fucking have these conversations about what men do to us or how to avoid it all the time. You can be brave and go up to another guy and just fucking ask if he understands consent and start that convo. Get involved. If you don't actually act on this shit then it will take a lot longer to magically convince everyone to stop being so shitty to women. But if you go out there and actively ask questions, explain, get angry, and shame when needed then the work gets done a lot faster.
The end
Reprinted with permission from a Facebook post by Sophie Whitecross.
Also see the XY collection, What men can do to stop sexism and male violence.