Sam Pullen describes the training in privilege he received in the Boy Scouts.
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These workshop notes include useful questions for discussion, brief writeups on elements of ‘good sex’, further reading, and a handout for young people on “Tips for Good Sex”. I have also included a lengthier discussion of working with boys and young men on ‘doing consent’, as I think this is a critical issue. The materials on consent easily could be turned into a workshop on their own, for boys and young men.
For increased inclusion of men into violence prevention efforts to work, we need to educate them about consent. Real consent.
We're still missing the mark when it comes to teaching consent. We have heard "No means No", and I think we're finally clueing in on "Yes means Yes" - in other words that the absence of a "No" is not in itself consent. But the problem is that we are still stuck in the old paradigm. It's still based on the idea of permission: there is this line that once crossed can't be un-crossed, and the woman is just going to have to live with the consequences of her actions (emphasis HER actions). As a culture, we still blame male arousal on women.
How do you know when your partner has consented to sex? Do you ask, or do you assume they’ve consented if they don’t say anything? Do you watch for body language? Do you try to “make them relax” if it seems like they’re not consenting? Rather than seeking consent, you may be attempting to “manufacture” it.
Rein van de Ruit asks "Where are men to go for guidance and healing?"
Following the 5th Men's Leadership Gathering, Rein Van de Ruit reconsiders the contribution that poets and storytellers can make to the men's movement.
how does it feel to be the one
who let’s yourself down?
how does it feel--
the sorrow?
Although we have invented technology that permits instantaneous communication throughout the world, cured many diseases, extended our lifespan, and walked on the moon, we have not solved a fundamental dilemma, the problem of excessive male violence.
I watched the television as they showed young Kristy, proud in her soldier’s uniform, the wind in her hair and the sky in the background. She looked strong, proud, and beautiful. Another shot showed her in her uniform doing pushups – a striking image of a strong woman.
But these was her “before” photos; her “ugly” photos.