I was with my mother when my obstetrician called to tell me the sex of my baby. I wasn’t with my husband at the time, and so I handed my mother the phone, putting the pressure on her to 1) find out the sex, and 2) hold in the information until my husband and I could find out from her together. My husband came home and my mother delivered the news: “Are you ready? You are having… a… BOY!”
Growing up
I want to start with the rationale for this work. Why are we trying to promote healthy masculinities? What is the problem?
To answer that, I have to start with gender.
Gender means…
I’m using the term ‘gender’ here for the patterns of men’s and women’s lives, boys’ and girls’ lives.
Gender means: the meanings we give to being male and female, and the social organisation of men’s and women’s lives.
Achieving gender equality must, and has, involved efforts to understand the vulnerabilities and risks that adolescent girls and young women face every day – but how much do we know about the realities of adolescent boys and young men? This report takes a deeper look at the daily lives of adolescent boys and young men around the world and at how they can join the movement towards improved health and gender equality.
The notion of the ‘Man Box’ names influential and restrictive norms of manhood. The ‘Act Like a Man’ box or ‘Man Box’ has been a common teaching tool in efforts over the past three decades to engage men and boys in critical reflections on men and gender (Kivel, 2007). The ‘box’ names the qualities men are expected to show, the rewards they earn for doing so, and the punishments they are dealt if they step ‘outside’ the box. It emphasises that these dominant standards are restrictive and limiting for men, as well as harmful for women. Individual qualities in the Man Box are not necessarily bad, and indeed some may be useful or desirable in some contexts. On the other hand, some of the qualities are negative in themselves, the range of qualities available to men is narrow, and men are expected not to deviate from them. The Man Box norms also sustain forms of privilege or unfair advantage for men, and men’s attitudes and behaviours that underpin inequality between men and women. The reference to ‘acting like a man’ makes the point that masculinity is a ‘performance’, a set of qualities and behaviours practised in particular contexts.
The Man Box: A study on being a young man in Australia is the first comprehensive study that focuses on the attitudes to manhood and the behaviours of young Australian men aged 18 to 30. It involved an online survey of a representative sample of 1,000 young men from across the country, as well as focus group discussions with two groups of young men.
How do we prevent our sons from becoming rapists?
Media headlines lately have been dominated by violence – young men’s violence against other men outside pubs and in the street, and men’s sexual assaults of women. Most boys and men do not use violence. But a minority do. The confronting truth is, some of the boys growing up right now will force or pressure a girl or woman into sex.
Meaningful engagement with men and boys is increasingly recognized as critical to gender equality and equity, necessary not only for women’s empowerment, but also for transforming the social and gender norms that reinforce patriarchy and inequality and harm both women and men. The primary challenge embedded in this work is how to engage men and boys effectively without instrumentalizing them as a pathway to women’s empowerment on the one hand, or marginalizing women and girls in gender equity work on the other.
How can parents raise feminist sons? How, for example, can mothers and fathers encourage their sons to grow up to respect girls and women? Here are some recent and accessible discussions of raising boys:
Also see the bibiography of works here: http://www.xyonline.net/content/ii-raising-sons-raising-boys. And these online pieces:
“Far too many boys approach adolescence having experienced violence, witnessed violence, dropped out of school, had risky sex, or practiced other risk-taking behaviors because they believe that they must do so to be seen by their peers and their communities as “real men.” This has real and long-lasting impacts on the lives of women and girls and inhibits the creation of respectful and equal relationships.”