We talk about the manosphere as though it were some troublesome new arrival, born in the darker corners of the internet and carried into boys' lives through social media. I see it differently; while the technology may be new, much of the thinking has been with us for centuries.
Ideas of male superiority, entitlement and dominance did not begin with Andrew Tate or TikTok. They were already woven into cultures where men largely made the laws, owned the property and ran the institutions. Boys learned early that a man should be tough, sexually successful, in control and certainly not too vulnerable. Much of this was accepted as the natural order of things.
During my lifetime, that order has been profoundly challenged. Women have rightfully claimed greater equality in education, employment, politics, relationships and public life, while exposing domestic violence, sexual harassment and forms of male entitlement tolerated for generations.
I wonder if the vigour of the women's equity movement has done more than advance the lives of women in flushing out old resistance that was never far beneath the surface.
The manosphere has given that resistance a new home and a powerful delivery system. Old grievances now travel the world in seconds, packaged as humour, self-improvement, dating advice or lessons in becoming a “real man”. For a boy who is lonely, angry, rejected or wondering where he belongs, such messages can offer a seductive explanation: you are not the problem; women and feminism are.
We are seeing some of this spill from screens into Australian classrooms. Recent research involving more than 2,600 teachers found widespread concern about sexism and misogyny, with teachers reporting manosphere attitudes appearing in students' language and behaviour.
After more than sixty years working with young males, I’ve learned that telling them what is wrong with masculinity will not take us far. Just as we update our phones and computers when old programs no longer serve us, our Masculinity Operating System, MOS, embedded in the hard drive of our personality and character, can be updated too.
Many years ago, in a Native American sweat lodge, I heard a pregnant woman honoured as She Who Beats with Two Hearts. I have never forgotten that beautiful expression because nobody in that dark little lodge became less of a man by honouring the lifecarrying woman among us.
Similarly, I believe our response to the manosphere is not just about fighting the darkness but helping boys discover the goodness already within them, even if it is deeply hidden. Expose them to men worth knowing, women worth listening to, and a version of ManGood in which equality is not a threat and tenderness does not cancel strength.
Since the manosphere is an outdated masculinity travelling through new technology, our challenge is to help a new generation identify those harmful old messages and find better ways of being men.