These workshop notes include useful questions for discussion, brief writeups on elements of ‘good sex’, further reading, and a handout for young people on “Tips for Good Sex”. I have also included a lengthier discussion of working with boys and young men on ‘doing consent’, as I think this is a critical issue. The materials on consent easily could be turned into a workshop on their own, for boys and young men.
For increased inclusion of men into violence prevention efforts to work, we need to educate them about consent. Real consent.
We're still missing the mark when it comes to teaching consent. We have heard "No means No", and I think we're finally clueing in on "Yes means Yes" - in other words that the absence of a "No" is not in itself consent. But the problem is that we are still stuck in the old paradigm. It's still based on the idea of permission: there is this line that once crossed can't be un-crossed, and the woman is just going to have to live with the consequences of her actions (emphasis HER actions). As a culture, we still blame male arousal on women.
A collection of lists and guides. Please see below for the attachment, in Word.
How do you know when your partner has consented to sex? Do you ask, or do you assume they’ve consented if they don’t say anything? Do you watch for body language? Do you try to “make them relax” if it seems like they’re not consenting? Rather than seeking consent, you may be attempting to “manufacture” it.
Basil tells of being queer-bashed, and his learning to heal.
Peter Tatchell says gay men show that being a man doesn't have to involve machismo.
Richard Newman offers reflections on sex and bodies, intimacy and abuse.
Myth: Women routinely make false accusations of child abuse or domestic violence to gain advantage in family law proceedings and to arbitrarily deny their ex-partners’ access to the children.
Facts: Allegations of child abuse are rare. False allegations are rare; False allegations are made by fathers and mothers at equal rates; The child abuse often takes place in families where there is also domestic violence; Allegations of child abuse rarely result in the denial of parental contact.
Fathers’ rights groups have attempted to: Wind back the legal protections available to victims of violence; Wind back the legal sanctions imposed on perpetrators of violence.
While fathers’ rights groups often claim to speak on behalf of male victims of domestic violence, these efforts undermine the policies and services that would protect and gain justice for these same men.
Fathers’ rights advocates also: Make excuses for perpetrators; Act as direct advocates for perpetrators or alleged perpetrators of violence against women; Use abusive strategies themselves; Work to undermine and harass the services and institutions that work with the victims and survivors of violence.
The fathers’ rights movement is defined by the claim that fathers are deprived of their ‘rights’ and subjected to systematic discrimination as men and fathers, in a system biased towards women and dominated by feminists. Michael Flood provides a critical assessment of the impact of fathers' rights groups on family law and their claims regarding violence.