I was going to call this, ‘How to pick up women’, but that seems too blunt. Anyway, I’ve come across two articles by women which offer sensible, thoughtful, feminist advice on how to approach a woman on the street whom you’d like to date. Phaedra Starling points out that women, in considering sexual and intimate involvements with men and in being out in public, have to think about how to avoid being assaulted or killed. When approached by a stranger, they ask themselves: will this man rape me? She writes, “When you approach me in public, you are Schrödinger’s Rapist. You may or may not be a man who would commit rape.” She, and Melissa Fabello in the other article, note the various ways in which men may indicate that they ‘believe that their desires are a legitimate reason to override women’s rights’.
Both Starling and Fabello below offer some very good advice on how to approach women in ways which respect their humanity and which are less likely to decrease their sense of personal safety.
Dr Nerdlove also has some good tips:
- If you are approaching unknown women e.g. in bars and clubs, make sure you are approaching women who are interested, rather than pestering women who’d rather be left alone.
- Focus less on canned routines or pick-up “tricks” like negging and more on generating chemistry;
- Emphasize enthusiastic consent.
- Dr Nerdlove, Can You Be An Ethical Pickup Artist, Aug 17 2014;
- Fabello, Dear Men - This Is How You Should Be Approaching a Woman on the Street, May 26 2016;
- Starling, Schrödinger’s Rapist, or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women.