In praise of feminist anti-violence activists.

From my position as a man who supports women’s rights (which to my mind includes the right to live in a world that is free from violence, free from battering, free from sexual harassment, free from exploitation, free from the trafficking of girls and of women, free from rape, free from fear), it seems absolutely clear to me that the women who work to support the survivors of men’s violence do wonderful work! And despite their amazing efforts and remarkable achievements, these women often receive not praise but only derision for the work they do.

As a society, we so often dismiss and disdain these brave women and their efforts. We say things like:

Lighten up!

It’s just a joke!

Take it easy!

Don’t be so sensitive!

Yes, I know it’s sexist, but that doesn’t necessarily make it bad!

Don’t be so uptight!

Men get hurt, too!

Where did you get those statistics from?

You’re just anti-sex!

Why do you have to be such a b****?

Feminazi!

You just want to be a man!

(or, conversely)

You hate men!

(and, finally)

You just want women to control everything!

It is not an easy task to work for the improvement of the status of women in society. The vast majority of the women who answer the phones of our sexual assault crisis lines, who staff our safe houses for battered women fleeing violence, who show up in the middle of the night at our hospitals to support women who have just been raped and who are now undergoing extremely invasive exams, who attend court hearings in support of women who are getting orders of protection, are in fact volunteers. They are paid nothing for all of the work that they do. And the few women who do manage earn a living in this work are typically paid very little. It is truly a labor of love.

So I would just like to take a moment to say thank you!

For every call you take in the middle of the night from a woman who has been raped or beaten by her partner, I want to thank you!

For every scary transport you have provided for a woman fleeing a violent situation, I want to thank you!

For dealing with “men’s rights activists” who never miss a chance to attack your work as unfair and demeaning to men, I want to thank you!

For taking those calls and hearing those stories that wind up affecting your own life, I want to thank you!

For dealing with the absolute worst elements of male behavior, and yet still finding in your hearts a space for male friends, relatives, and perhaps partners, I want to thank you!

For working with the children who have watched their father repeatedly beat their mother, I want to thank you!

For clearly communicating to the world that men’s violence is unacceptable, I want to thank you!

For deeply believing that men do not have to behave in ways that hurt women, I want to thank you!

For working for a better world for women, I want to thank you!

For working for a better world for my daughter, I want to thank you!

For working for a better world for us all, I want to thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!