ASK A MATE is a new app aimed at boys and young men that aims to provide sound, evidence-based advice on topics including relationships, gender, consent, domestic and sexual violence, delivered by high-profile positive male role models who young men are willing to listen to.
ASK A MATE has been created by Beyond DV, an Australian charity focused on shaping a society free from domestic violence.
Establishing Beyond DV in 2017 after her daughter’s experience of domestic violence, Founder Carolyn Robinson has used her expertise as an educator to create highly interactive tools which support young people to develop healthy relationships. Following on from Love & Learn, their first teen relationship app downloaded worldwide, Ask a Mate is geared specifically to young men aged 13-18 years.
ASK A MATE is guided by young men’s responses to two key questions: First, what do they want to know? Second, who do they want to listen to? Carolyn worked with diverse high schools in 2024, surveying young men who provided hundreds of questions that were concerning them and that they wanted to know the answers to. They also provided the names of high-profile male role models who they’d like to hear the answers from. ASK A MATE features selected questions from the young men, with evidence-based, accessible answers.
ASK A MATE is based on collaboration with partners including Professor Michael Flood (QUT), international expert on working with young men and domestic violence prevention, the Brisbane Lions Football Club, and Moonward Apps.
ASK A MATE is intended to become the “go to”, highly-accessible, mobile resource for young men on issues of relationships, sex, violence and other issues.
ASK A MATE: www.askamate.com.au
Download the app here:
- Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=au.org.beyonddv.askamate
- Apple: https://testflight.apple.com/join/ffeWaufK
Watch a short news segment on the app on “A Current Affair”, aired on May 2, here.
Launching the app
ASK A MATE was launched on May 2. Here is some of what the media release said.
Craig Robinson, Beyond DV Board Chair says,
“The ASK A MATE App was borne out of the success of our free LOVE&LEARN Teen Relationship App, launched in 2021 and downloaded in 45 countries. From Carolyn’s Primary Prevention work in schools and sporting clubs, we realised that our young men were crying out for guidance regarding relationships, gender equality, consent, masculinity and domestic/sexual violence.”
Carolyn Robinson, a former educator of 35 plus years brought in Professor Michael Flood (QUT), and surveyed hundreds of young male students (13-18 years) to find out what questions they wanted to know the answers to and from whom they wanted to hear the answers.
These high profile positive male role models “Mates” have been identified by young men, including sports people, musicians, comedians and community and business leaders. The Mates deliver video messages to answer a multitude of questions which young men provided during the App development market research. All Mates are giving evidence-based answers with responses provided by Professor Michael Flood.
Carolyn Robinson, Founding Director of Beyond DV says,
“I think men in the public eye want to be involved in something positive and support the development of healthy views in young men and we are not asking for lots of their time- just thirty minutes can have a monumental impact. Every question on ASK A MATE App has come from a teenage boy seeking guidance. We have been reaching out to the positive male role models identified to see if they will give their voices and support the project. Everyone we have approached so far has been extremely supportive of ASK A MATE App and we hope once launched, that the numbers of Mates wanting to be involved continues to grow.”
Professor Michael Flood says,
“When young men have questions about Sex, Relationships, Consent, and other issues, the answers they get from social media or their peers may be uninformed or even dangerous. The research tells us that boys and young men exposed to sexist and violence-supportive attitudes in media or from their peers are more likely to use violence and abuse themselves, ASK A MATE provides messages that are sensible and healthy, delivered by messengers that young men themselves look up to.”
The AFL Champions, Brisbane Lions have thrown their support behind the project, with five senior players already featuring on the App including Harris Andrews, Dayne Zorko, Cam Rayner, Zac Bailey and Oscar McInerney. ASK A MATE App will be highlighted at the annual Domestic Violence Awareness game with the Brisbane Lions on the 4th May to their 40,000 crowd.
AFL Champions, Brisbane Lions Co-Captain, Harris Andrews says
"As professional athletes, we can play a very important role in society to help eliminate domestic and family violence"
Other “Mates” already included on the app include Collingwood Captain Darcy Moore, World Champion boxer Jeff Horn, The Jungle Giants Bassist, Andrew Dooris, comedian and social media star, Christian Hull, “No More Niki” Founder Tarang Chawla , Founder of “The Betterment Project” Mason Black, with more Mates signed up to be involved including Hamish Blake, comedian & TV Presenter, Brendan Jones , WSFM radio host and Macario de Souza aka Kid Mac award-winning filmmaker & musician.
Boys and young men
Professor Michael Flood spoke on the panel at the launch of ASK A MATE on May 2. Here is what he said:
What are the greatest issues facing boys and young men right now?
Boys and young men, like girls and young women, are facing increasing economic insecurity: rising costs of living, an impossible housing market, and financial stress
- Boys and young men face shifting and contradictory expectations of masculinity.
- Most boys and young men support healthy, gender-equitable notions of how to be a man.
- Most boys and young men – about two-thirds to three-quarters – reject the traditional masculine stereotypes that males should always be strong, in control, rigidly heterosexual, and dominant over women in relationships and families.
- Most treat the women and girls in their lives with respect and care. But about one in five have used physical or sexual violence against a girlfriend or partner.
- Boys and young men face contradictory messages about being a man:
- Be sensitive. Show emotion. But also: Don’t be vulnerable or feminine. Don’t be a wuss.
- Be an involved father. Be caring and nurturant. But also: Prioritise your work. Get ahead. Be top dog.
- Respect sexual consent. Don’t be a douche or a rapist. But also: Get the girls. Make the first move. Be a player.
- Young men show high rates of loneliness, depression, and suicide, although their mental health overall is better than young women’s. And young men have the lowest rates of help-seeking for mental health issues of any demographic group in Australia
- Boys and young men live much of their lives online.
- Gaming, social media, and other online places are important spaces for leisure, friendship, information, and community.
- But the online worlds also can be spaces for anxiety, social pressure, sexism, pornography, and misogyny. And, to bring this back to ASK A MATE, for terrible messages about relationships, sex, consent, and violence.
When we’re talking about shaping young men’s views around relationships, gender, sex, consent, domestic & sexual violence, we continue to search for ways to meet them where they’re at. Do you feel that tools like the Ask a Mate App have a part to play, and why?
We know that boys and young men are hungry for information. They have questions, like the ones that boys sent into the survey Carolyn conducted:
- What is a non-awkward way to ask for consent?
- How do you help someone to leave an abusive relationship?
- Is it okay to restrict your partner, with something you don’t like them doing?
We know that:
- Sexuality education in schools often doesn’t address real issues of relationships, consent, pleasure, and intimacy.
- Boys and young men are less likely than girls and young women to turn to parents, teachers, or health providers for information on sex and relationships, and more likely to turn to the internet.
- Boys and young men do sometimes find appropriate material online. They may:
- Find information on sex and sexuality from online governnment and community organisation websites
- Use social media spaces like Reddit to ask anonymous questions
- Use Tik Tok for sex education
- But we also know that when young men have questions about sex, relationships, consent, and other issues, the answers they get from social media or their peers may be uninformed or even dangerous, and these answers can shape their own views.
- One key negative influence on boys is pornography, an ugly sea of often hostile and degrading images of women and sex. Another influence is anti-women influencers. From both of these, boys are exposed to:
- Sexist and misogynist norms
- Support for abuse and objectification
- Messages about coercing, pressuring or tricking women into doing what you want.
- Male entitlement to sex and women’s bodies
- And the research shows that social media algorithms often drive young men towards increasingly sexist content
So apps like ASK A MATE play an absolutely vital role. ASK A MATE provides messages that are sensible and healthy, delivered by messengers that young men themselves look up to.
- Provides messages that are informed and healthy. Balanced, evidence-based information, delivered in a language (hopefully) that young men can hear, and in a medium that young men will use.
- Delivered by messengers that boys and young men will listen to.
I have been working for 30 years to promote men’s positive roles in ending violence against women and building healthy relationships and communities. I’ve long said that we have to challenge rigid, unhealthy, patriarchal forms of masculinity.
- We have to promote healthy, gender-equitable ways of being among boys and young men. ASK A MATE does this.
- Boys and men cannot be what they cannot see. We have to put in front of them, positive, appealing male role models. ASK A MATE does this.
- And we have to provide boys and young men with information that help them become better boys and men. ASK A MATE does this.