Men taking action to end men's violence against women

In countries across the world, there are growing numbers of men taking action to help end violence against women. 

And there are growing efforts to engage men and boys in prevention efforts: as participants in education programs, as targets of social marketing campaigns, as activists and advocates, and as leaders and policy makers.

There are anti-violence men’s groups, advocates, and national and international networks. Anti-violence men’s groups engage in community education, hold rallies and marches, work with violent men, facilitate workshops in schools and prisons and workplaces, and act in alliance with women’s groups and organisations. 

More widely, there is growing attention across the world to the positive roles that men can play in building gender equality: in workplaces, as fathers, as sporting coaches, as community and faith leaders, etc.

So the first thing I will explore is, how do men come to this work? What inspires men to support and join efforts to end men’s violence against women? I’m going to weave my own story with wider insights about men’s pathways to involvement.

How men come to be involved in efforts to end violence against women

Men have diverse pathways to paths to involvement in the movement to end violence against women are diverse. But there are some common themes.

Connections to individual women: a mother, a partner, a friend, a sister, a daughter

For some men, this involvement has come about because of their love for, closeness and loyalties to a particular woman in their lives: a mother, a partner, a friend, a sister, a daughter. Their love for and connection to that woman or girl means that they’ve found out something about the injusticies and intrusions women often suffer. Or it means that those men hope they can contribute to a better world for the girls and women they care about.

Sensitisation to women’s experiences of violence

Some men come to this issue by being sensitised to women’s experiences of violence. They have heard about women’s experiences of violence and abuse, from the women they care about, or on the radio or at an event. 

I discovered that a friend had been regularly assaulted right into her teens, along with her brother, by their dad. I started noticing the many strategies my female friends use to keep themselves safe in their homes, carparks, and on the street. I realised, in a conversation with a partner about when we each lost our virginity, that for her the first time she had sex was against her will, without her consent.

Commitments to ethical, political, and/or spiritual ideals

Some men’s anti-violence advocacy is grounded in other forms of principled political activism, such as pacifism, economic justice, green issues, or gay liberation. They have made connections between violence against women and other forms of oppression or injustice.

Some men come to anti-violence work because of ethical and political principles or commitments. This was a key path for me. In my late teens, I had the sense that I wanted to ‘change the world’ and ‘be a good person’. I was running around with a peace badge on, and I got involved in various forms of progressive activism: in a peace group and left-wing student politics. Feminist women were the backbone of the left-wing student group in which I was involved. I and other men were being challenged on our sexism: dynamics like, after a meeting, the men would walk off and the women did the washing up. And I was realising just how personal issues of sexism were, through sexual relationships with feminist women and my friendships.

Exposure to feminist and progressive ideals and frameworks

Some men come to be involved because they have been exposed to feminist and related ideals through their political involvements, their workplaces or their higher education. They have been inspired by engagement with feminist ideas and teachers. Or they have learnt about gender inequality in the course of studying or working in counselling, social work, and other areas. 

That was a factor for me too. I was being exposed to feminist ideals through progressive politics. And for some reason I chose to do what was then called Women’s Studies, so I was learning about feminist scholarship.

Another transformative experience for me was a men’s group. At age 19 or so, I joined an anti-sexist men’s group, meeting for three hours every second week for close to two years. We explored all sorts of topics: violence, porn, fathering, bullying, homophobia, and more. That was a profound experience. And I formed friendships with two of the men that have lasted me a lifetime.

Connections to individuals and groups who model egalitarian gender roles and relations

Another pathway shaping men’s involvement in ending violence against women is having connections to individuals and groups who model egalitarian gender roles and relations. Some men question sexism and violence because of relationships with a relative, family friend or other person who modeled non-traditional gender roles. Some men were part of an alternative peer group with more gender-equitable norms.

For me, growing up, I did feel some distance from traditional forms of masculinity. I didn’t like the aggressive macho posturing and sexism that some boys at school were into. I sometimes dressed in effeminate ways, like the New Romantic bands I was into, and I didn’t feel that panicked hostility about gay men so common among straight men. At the same time, I was conventionally masculine in various ways: I had girlfriends, I was sporty, and confident. 

Neither of my parents were particularly feminist or left-wing. But they were certainly inspiring. And funnily enough, they both have connections to the UK.

My father was a high-level public servant and diplomat, including being Australia’s Ambassador or High Commissioner to the United Kingdom (over 1998-2000). My mother was a mountain-climber, who led a series of British women’s climbing expeditions in the Himalayas. She then became an archaeologist and writer, and she’s now retired, living in North Wales, near where she grew up. I think I gained from my parents a strong work ethic and a strong sense of fairness or decency – and both are very useful if you want to help change the world.

Experiences of violence

One further factor that can shape men’s involvements in anti-violence work is their own experience of violence. Some men become involved through dealing with their own experience of sexual violence or abuse from other men and sometimes women, perhaps as children or teenagers. Or seeing or learning of the effects of violence or abuse on female family members. Or they have used violence themselves, and becoming involved in anti-violence work is one of the ways in which they are taking responsibility for their past.

I should emphasise too: there is enormous diversity among the men who get involved in ending violence against women. There are men who left school at 16. Men who wear high vis vests and hardhats. Men whose first language isn’t English. Men who pray five times a day while facing Mecca. Men who vote Conservative. Gay men. Stay-at-home dads. All kinds of men.

And for me, it’s been powerful and inspiring to hear men, from all kinds of backgrounds, speak from the heart about why violence against women is an issue they care about. So let’s turn to that.

Violence against women is a men’s issue

Violence against women is a deeply personal issue for men, just as it is for women. 

Violence against women is often seen as a women’s issue, for obvious reasons. But violence against women is also a men’s issue. Perhaps the best proponent of this view is the inspiring Dr Jackson Katz. I’ve met Jackson, and I’m delighted that he spoke to launch White Ribbon UK’s "Voices for Change" series in June.

So how is this violence a men’s issue?:

  • Violence against women harms the women and girls men love. Most men have women and girls in our lives and love and care for them. The violence that some men do hurts those women and girls. And, whether they know it or not, men have to deal with the impact of other men’s violence on the women and children that they love. The reality and the threat of violence limit women’s participation in public life, in online spaces, impose a curfew on women, and contribute to gender injustice.
  • Violence against women by a minority of men gives all men a bad name. The violence that some men do makes all men a potential threat.
    • If I’m walking home at night, off the bus or train, and there is a woman walking ahead of me, she may be thinking, “Is he following me? Is he planning to assault me?”
    • The reality of this violence makes women wary of us when we are online dating and we want to meet.
  • Violence against women hurts our communities, the communities in which men live. It costs governments billions of dollars, it harms women’s productivity, it fills hospital beds, and it leads to higher levels of depression, anxiety, alcohol and drug misuse, and suicide.
  • Violence against women is a men’s issue because the violence that some men do is shaped by narrow, dangerous norms about being a man. It is shaped by rigid, sexist models of manhood: be tough, be dominant in relationships, be in control. These sexist models of manhood also harm men, destroying our relationships, stifling our friendships, and limiting our mental and physical health.
  • Violence against women is a men’s issue because some men find ourselves in the presence of violence-supportive behaviours and attitudes. The mate who makes sleazy jokes about how women are good for just one thing. The uncle who treats his wife in hostile and degrading ways. The brother who texts his girlfriend 40 times a day, trying to control what she wears and who she talks to.
  • [Most men do not use violence against women. But physical and sexual violence against women is perpetrated overwhelmingly by men.] Most men do not use violence against women. But when women are subjected to violence, it is overwhelmingly by men. Yes, sometimes women are assaulted by other women. But they are far more likely to be assaulted by men.
  • And finally, just in case anyone thinks it’s only a tiny number of men who use violence… It’s not. A substantial minority of men use violence against women.
    • For example, a recent UK study among male university students found that 11.4% – that’s over 1 in 10 – reported having perpetrated some form of sexual aggression in the last 2 years.

Violence against women is a men’s issue because a minority of men treat women and girls with contempt and violence, and it is up to the majority of men to help create a culture in which this is unthinkable.

Three kinds of action

Men have a vital role to play in reducing and preventing men’s violence against women. There are three key kinds of things men can do.

First, we have to put our own houses in order. We have to take responsibility for violent behaviour and attitudes, and try to build respectful relations with the women and girls (and other men and boys) in our lives. I will come back to this in the chat with Peter.

Second, men can take steps to challenge violence and violence-supportive behaviour around us, in our daily lives. We can act as positive ‘bystanders’ or ‘upstanders’: intervening in incidents of violence or the situations which lead up to them, supporting victims, and challenging perpetrators. 

Third, men can tackle the social and cultural causes of violence, the social foundations of violence. This is vital, because without wider culture change, we will never end violence against women. Some men take part in challenging the attitudes and norms, behaviours, and inequalities which feed into violence against women. Some men advocate for and champion change in their workplaces and organisations, participate in campaigns like the White Ribbon Campaign, and take other steps to build gender-equal and gender-just communities and societies.

What difference action makes

When individual men take action in their daily lives to challenge men’s violence against women, this makes a difference. There is research evidence that a wide variety of actions can create change in violence against women or the factors which feed it. 

  • When a man who has used violence against a woman chooses to cease doing so, by definition this reduces violence against women.
  • When a man supports a woman who is being subjected to violence by a partner or ex-partner, he increases the chance that she will seek help, report the violence, escape the violence, and recover from the abuse.
  • When a man intervenes in a violent incident in progress by offering support or assistance to the woman being attacked, he may lessen the harm she suffers during that incident, and she may hear the message that she is not to blame for and does not deserve the violence inflicted on her.
  • When a man intervenes in a violent incident in progress by challenging the man who is using violence against a woman, he increases the chance that the perpetrator will at least slow down or limit the violence he’s inflicting. The perpetrator may be put on notice that he won’t get away with violence, and he may be more likely to take responsibility for his actions.
  • When a man questions a mate’s joke about rape or a colleague’s violence-supportive comment, he takes away the mate’s false assumption that everyone else agrees with him, he makes it more likely that their opinions and attitudes will shift, and he increases others’ willingness to speak up as well. His actions break down peer support for violence against women.
  • When a father behaves in non-violent and respectful ways in his family, he increases the likelihood that his children will grow up with non-violent and respectful attitudes and relations.
  • When men who are senior leaders of organisations use their influence to become advocates for violence prevention, they also make it more likely that other members of the organisation will support these efforts too.
  • When men join with women and others in campaigns and movements to end violence against women, we increase the critical mass of this work, we spread its impact to more spaces and communities, and we make it more likely that we will make change. [NEW]

In short, when men take action, it makes a difference. And, while this is not the most important reason for doing this work, it also benefits men ourselves. Joining in the work of ending violence against women has profound personal benefits. 

  • For me, it has deepened my relationship with my partner. I’ve learnt skills in communication, and respect, our relationship is deeper, and yes, the sex is better too.
  • It’s enriched my parenting.
  • It’s helped my friendships with men too, encouraging me to move beyond bravado and boasting to more real and supportive forms of connection.
  • More widely, I’ve been able to take part in networks and communities of amazing and inspiring men and women and others.

Can we build it? Yes we can.

Men can play vital roles in helping to reduce and prevent men’s violence against women. In our everyday lives, men can take action to challenge violence against women and the social and cultural dynamics which sustain it. Men who care for women, men who care for justice and equality, and men who care for the wellbeing of our communities and society must act to end violence against women in their own lives and the lives of those around them. There is much to do, and we have only just begun.

END

Citation: Flood, M. (2025). Voices for Change Webinar. White Ribbon UK, September 9 2025.