Hi guys,

The other day I was involved in a conversation about what men can do to stop rape. One of the participants was a young university student who is articulate, energetic, funny, and charismatic. He is also gay, and he doesn’t care who knows it. And that’s a real strength when it comes to doing men’s anti-violence work. Because when we men do this work, other people – mostly men – often either make the assumption that we are gay, or they try to level “gay” at us as an accusation.

Sometimes, when I talk or write about violence against women, I get accused of not caring about the violence that occurs against men. I get accused of being unfair. So, while this blog is generally about violence against women and children, let me take a moment to address the issue of violence against men, and to say unequivocally that violence against men is wrong.

I would also like to take the opportunity to post “Bill’s Bill of Rights for Men’s Sexual Safety.”

On Friday evening the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre in my community will be holding its annual “Take Back the Night” march designed to bring attention to the issue of violence against women, and to loudly make the statement that women should be able to walk safely – anywhere and anytime!

But I will not be walking with them. Men are not invited to march. And some men (and some women) have a problem with this. But I don’t.

Imagine for a minute a society that has no sexual assault at all – a society that is totally rape free. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if on this strife-torn planet such a place could actually exist? Think about it: a place where women and children (and men) could live their entire lives not having to fear that someone might invade their bodies (and their spirits) through sexual aggression. Where a date would never turn into the thrust and parry of aggressive sexual advance and attempted refusal.

Missing men? I was recently reading my new issue of Canadian Parent magazine. (The magazine was a very fitting gift from an extremely kind relative – fitting since I am both a new Canadian and a new parent of a little girl.) But while the magazine – which is generally pretty good – is called Canadian Parent, the reality is that it is basically aimed at Canadian mothers. To be fair, the summer issue did have three brief pieces that mentioned trying to involve men.

(Warning: this post discusses sexual violence in graphic detail.)

“We are going. But we are leaving our seed behind.”— a West Pakistani soldier, leaving Bangladesh, 1971.

Anyone who reads this blog can rather easily come to the conclusion that I oppose violence against women and that I support women’s full equality with men. In my writing I advocate for the rights of women, and for the safety of children. So of course this makes me one of the good guys, right? Because, after all, any guy who says all of this great stuff simply must be on the side of the angels. He must be a guy we should all feel totally safe with and have utter faith in. We should even trust him with our kids. Right?

“A lot of work to be done.” A few years ago I attended a talk that was supposed to be about the “third world feminisms” that were emerging in the townships in post-apartheid South Africa. When the presenter walked in, I was surprised to see that he was in fact a he – and that he was in fact a white guy from the USA. As the man spoke, he referred to the African National Congress as being made up of “petit bourgeoisie,” and I got a pretty good sense of his political orientation.