With the New Year almost upon us, I thought it might be a good time to consider some resolutions that we straight guys can make in order to ensure a more just world for women, and in the process come closer to fully embracing our own humanity as well. (Some of these might apply to men who don’t identify as heterosexual, but being a straight guy, it’s the only population I feel competent to make these suggestions for...) So, here goes:

As straight men, I suggest that we make the following resolutions:

The other day as I rushed to catch an elevator, I caught the eye of the sole occupant of the car – a woman who was already inside waiting for the doors to close. She gave me what I have come to think of as “the elevator look.” It is a look that seems to say: “Please don’t get in this elevator with me. I don’t want to be alone in here with you.” It’s similar to a look I see from some women when I ride the bus – “the please sit somewhere else look.” It says: “Please don’t sit next to me.

Recently I heard an interview on a CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) radio program with one of the cast members of the travelling stage show “Puppetry of the Penis.” This is a show that involves naked men who take to the stage in order to do what they call “genital origami.” Working in the nude, they use the penis and scrotum to “perform” numerous shapes, include “the hamburger,” “the wrist watch,” “the snail,” and the “swollen thumb.” I must admit that I have not had a terribly strong desire to go see the

Experiencing violence in a relationship is a terrible thing. And sometimes the violence begins when the relationship ends – when you try to break up. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been the recipient of more violence from women than I have ever committed toward them. But as I look back at an especially stressful time in my life, I realize that even when I was the victim of partner violence, I was still extremely lucky that my pursuer was a woman and that I was a man.

The other day I was giving a talk about some of the benefits and challenges of working with men. I asked the group what helpful qualities men might bring to a workshop or training, and about what behaviours men might bring with them that could be problematic. My intention was to discuss the notion that men are gendered beings, and how we can best work with men whose words and actions might be endorsing some of the traditional messages about what it is that makes a man.

When I talk about men’s violence against women, an immediate response I often get from people is: But women do it too!

And they are right. Women can and do act violently. We men certainly have no monopoly when it comes to mistreating others. And if we stop for a moment to think about it, most of us can probably think of a man we know who was (or is currently being) mistreated by a woman.

Bullying, harassment, and other forms of violence toward gay men are an all too frequent and tragic reality in today’s society. These behaviours are a cultural hangover from our intolerant and bigoted past. Hopefully we will soon recover from this abusive history, and rid ourselves of these toxic acts.

Just as recovering from an alcohol-induced hangover can be aided by doing certain things to take care of ourselves physically, healing from this painful cultural hangover will also be greatly accelerated if we just take a moment to actively attend to it as well.

Mark Twain liked to say that there were three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.

What is she doing with that guy? I thought she was too smart to date a jerk like him!”I overheard someone say that the other day. When it comes to dealing with abusive relationships, I prefer to focus on the ways to contain the abuser and get him to eliminate his bad behaviours, but sometimes it is important to take time to address the questions that we hear about victims of abuse. And this is one that I hear a lot: Why do so many smart women make such bad choices when it comes to relationships?