The fact that we stand in solidarity to stop violence against women is crucial. What we do when we leave here is a matter of life and death. We cannot afford not to change the world as we know it right now.
And I am here to speak specifically to men. Those of us who believe that women MUST be able to speak freely, to live a life free of manipulation and abuse, to achieve all that they strive to achieve- must dedicate ourselves to the struggle to stop domestic violence now. To look closely at the role men as a group play in the perpetuation of domestic violence.
If men are committed to bringing this change, we must reject sexist remarks, ideas and laws out loud and persistently-- not only at vigils and rallies and protests, but in our homesñ in our work and public lives.
We must get involved when it is uncomfortable. How else do we identify ourselves to each other? How do we open the door for other men to question the structures, ideas, and institutions that thrive on keeping women submissive, pliant, quiet, and under control?
I am committed to ending hate crimes. To stopping a new generation of woman haters, gay bashers and racist evildoers from inflicting any more pain on people who are simply trying to survive.
But what good is this committment if I do not identify openly as such? If I do not give language to my beliefs and action to my ideas.
And face it guys, the system is in so many ways set up for us to be silent.
My silence has never protected the people I love from domestic violence or hate crimes.
And as Audre Lorde, the great black, feminist, lesbian poet wrote, “Your silence will not protect you.”
We must get involved as men fighting sexist cruelty EARLY. Imagine the difference if we raised boys to treat girls and women with the respect, dignity, and humanity that we all deserve?
Can we all promise to work for change?
Can we promise to listen to the women in our lives?
Can we promise to hold our elected officials accountable for decisions they make?
Can we promise to talk back to Hollywood when we see violence against women portrayed as sexy or comical? --To talk back to our friends who make sexist comments, or hurt the women they say they love? To do the hard work that examines how the path of the sexist is frequently the path of the homophobe, the racist, the anti-Semite and the basher?
Can we promise to look inside ourselves and touch that raw place where anger lives and to learn how to use it wisely and not to control, subvert, dominate, bruise, insult or degrade?
We must work as men who are not simply PROMISE KEEPERS, but as men WHO KNOW which promises must be kept.
Promises to stop working just to protect, shelter and carefully map out safe paths by which women must travel and live. And to begin working TWICE AS HARD to open every path, every place of business, and EVERY HOUR of every day and night for women to enjoy as freely as most men do. Imagine a world where women never have to take back the night because it is theirs to walk in-- to dance in freely and without repercussion.
The promise must be kept to stop asking: Why didnít she leave? And begin asking ìWhy does he continue to hit her?î
For when we, as men, come together and help change the dialogue, revise the promises, and change the behaviors. We can help end domestic violence.
Join me tonight in beginning to KEEP the real promises that matter to the women in our lives. To articulate the promises to ourselves to be vigilant and activeñ to identify as a man who is against violence. To identify as a man who understands where to take anger and that it is not to be used as a WEAPON.
Keep the REAL Promises that matter not just to women but to other MEN as well.
Promise to write one simple letter supporting life-changing legislation like the re-authorization of the Violence Against Women Act
Promise to support candidates who choose not to sell out the physical and psychological well- being of women for the insidious agenda of the right wing and the woman-haters in government.
And if we must FIGHT:
Fight FOR the creation of programs that educate the young. FOR laws that prosecute TO THE FULLEST extent of the lawñ those men who have not learned that YOU WILL NOT, YOU CAN NOT, YOU MUST NOT beat, bruise, batter, dehumanize, maim or murder MY sisters, MY mothers, MY daughters, MY friends and the leaders of the next generation.
To the wonderful men that have a stake in the creativity of women. To the incredible, loving men who have a stake in the fully self-confident voices of women. For the kind and caring men who believe in equality in all its shades of meaningñ I ask that we all work together - that we take it upon ourselves to work with women and with one another to end domestic violence.
Listen to the women and girls you love, listen to the men and boys you love.
If you are not active in the movement to end domestic violence. This is where responsibility begins. Start now.
Raise your sons to be strong, capable, courageous and loving LISTENERS. To know their anger or frustration deeply and to work in critical and creative ways to solve problems.
We are at a crucial point.
And the sad and exciting thing isñ we are always at this point.
We are all...all men...standing here on the edge of tremendous opportunities to stop a terrible thing.
We can no longer afford the privilege of our silence.
Speech, Washington D.C., October 25 1999