March 8 is International Women’s Day. It occurred to me that perhaps the best way I could honor women on this holiday would be to offer to women something that has been missing for far, far too long: an apology from us men. For our violence. For our abuse. For our sexism. For our continued promotion of patriarchal structures and practices.
I would like to apologize on behalf of men. I would like to apologize for all of the ways that we have mistreated you. For all of the ways we have hurt you physically, economically, psychologically, and sexually. For all of the ways that we have diminished your very humanity.
Although I am just a regular guy, and I do not serve in any official capacity as I make this apology, please know that it is heart-felt, and that I am sincere when I say the following things:
For every man or boy who has ever sexually harassed you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever stared at your body instead of listening to your words, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever touched you against your will, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever exposed himself to you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who ever kept going when you said “stop,” I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever pressured you go further and further sexually, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever exposed you to pornography without your permission, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever taken revealing pictures of you and shared them with others without your consent, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever put something in your drink without your knowledge, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever gotten you drunk or high in order to try to take advantage of you sexually, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever raped you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever said or implied that you are a slut, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever said or implied that you are not sexual enough, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever interrupted you or talked over you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever threatened you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever terrorized you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever stalked you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever hurt you physically, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever mocked your fears of rape, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever called you a bitch or a c***, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever withheld affection from you in order to hurt you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever tried to control you financially, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man who did not hire you or promote you because you are female, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man who has ever threatened to take your children from you, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man who has ever failed to pay child support on time, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For every man or boy who has ever made you feel like less of a human being simply because you are female, I sincerely apologize and I am deeply sorry.
For all of these ways in which we boys and men may have hurt you – and in the countless other ways that I have doubtless failed to list – please know how sorry I am.
Anyone who has been hurt knows that an apology cannot change what happened in the past. But maybe, just maybe, it can be a step forward toward creating a future wherein we men and boys hold ourselves – and each other – accountable for the violence and harm we do to women and girls.
I wish you a happy International Women’s Day, and I look forward to a day when we men and boys no longer do these hurtful things.